House of Wax (2005)

by Rizzy

You know, I got to admit the biggest disappointment that I had with this film is that I completely rented it in order to make fun of Paris Hilton for the entire length of the review and take every cheap shot at her acting that I possibly could.  I hadn't seen this yet and was totally looking forward to completely trashing her and talking about how crappy this film was. And then something happened,  I really liked a lot of it and suddenly I was just really sad that Paris stole all the hype for the film so that this film would forever be the movie where we got to watch Paris Hilton die and not get recognized for any of it's real creative work.

That being said they did totally deliver on the making fun of Paris thing, which was good times.  Here she is "giving her boyfriend road head" on night vision of a friend's camera from the car over.  Seriously, you get to watch her head bob up and down here. It's great. And kudos to Paris for having a sense of humor about one of the biggest embarrassments of her life!  Still, that's way too classic to completely hate her for this movie. Anyway, onto the actual review.

The start of the movie sets the town for this entire film.  You start it off with a family history lesson of what is surely to become the future killers. And it's not a pretty start, it puts you a bit on edge like you don't know what's going to happen without going so far that it's unpleasant to watch like a lot of movies have been doing now a days. Right away I'm going, wow, that wasn't done half bad.  Shit, I'm not going to, I can't actually ENJOY a Paris Hilton movie!!  That'd be SOOOOO uncool!!

This is where I knew I was doomed. Two of my favorite young talents here. Elisha Cuthbert is our star! If that would have been promoted more, I would have been at the theater opening night.  And who plays her boyfriend but "Supernatural"'s one and only Jared Padalecki, who for the record is totally amazing.  Jared plays Wade as this boyfriend who really cares and so you like him, but can be inconsiderate and a bit of a prick, so you aren't too invested in him if he does bite the big one. You know the second you don't like a character, they're destined to die in these films so watching him ride that edge out really keeps you guessing. Cuthbert plays Carly as a fierce girl, not afraid to take control of her life, but also not willing to let anyone else take the fall for it.  And then moments later, who else shows up? Chad Michael Murray as Cuthbert's brother. He does a good job of playing the protective older brother who pretends like he doesn't care, but Padalecki was still my favorite eye candy in the film. (Just an FYI for the girls...)

If there is one thing I could give Jaume Collet-Serra props on, it's definitely his settings. They built this entire town just for the film and look at it!! How amazingly small town stylized are those buildings? The entire place just has this feel of a small town that's a little off, but so small you kinda just accept it as quirky which works well for it. Also, the director does a great job at pacing. This isn't one of those we need a death every 15 minutes and a death toll of x in order to keep viewers excited film. This movie builds slowly. They lull you into a comfortable unease where they play off of doing what's proper and you really just watch as the events are unfolded event by event until they are in so far there seems to be no escape.  I haven't seen a movie take this much time to build to the climax in a long time, which really made the deaths as they did occur more rewarding.

The end sequence is so amazing, too. The movie, called House of Wax, has an actually house made of wax in it!! And what do they do? They light that freaking candle ablaze!! And I must say, watching it burn and melt and sink into itself is really worth all the build up you've gotten thus far. This story may move a little slow, but it's that slow, smoldering action that really gives the movie it's feel and allows you believe that it is possible.  In a world of horror films that play their characters smart, this really shows smart characters still getting to a mess of trouble and I approve.  I never thought I'd say this, but I really would like more movies like the House of Wax!!! (Though they can be without Paris Hilton).

By popular demand: The House of Wax Drinking Game